Another big thing happened in my life in August. My dad has now passed away. It hurts so badly. I feel like I am not mourning like I think I should be yet again, like when Mama passed away. But like now when I blog about it, I feel it the most. And yesterday. My car was leaking oil and I was so daing lost as to who to take my car to for it to be fixed. Yes, Papa always had someone but that was also on the weekends only. I don't know why I don't just go see him. I think it will cause me to have memories and I WILL fall apart while I am there. And, he keeps the car, so there really is no place for me to go once he has it. Papa was always with me and we would go eat or do something else or whatever we needed to do so we did not sit around waiting. That was the fun part. I guess I would just have to take someone with me now to get me back and forth...but who? Its so far away but I trust him not to screw me over! I am not so sure about anyone else. So yet again I am a little lost. I did manage to find someone but I still need more work done...my leak is much smaller but still there due to another area that needs fixing. At least I hope that is true what they told me. They seemed to be trustful.
I can't believe its been more than a year since my last post. Not been to meetings at all...I work so far away when I get home I stay home. But I guess that makes sense...its been a little over a year since I started this job as a temp. Now I am a permanent employee. I love it but it is stressful. I need to find some way to better handle my stress. I know its affecting my skin, and my health. I am so tired, but I think that is mostly my fault. I still fight sleep...to play an online game where I have a partner. And a whole second life online. And dammit, I work too much there too. Its a great life there where I am taken care of and I get to have so much more than my own life. Its so opposite of my life but its a lot of work too. So it has been pretty easy to not get online to play, but even when I do not get online...I still stay up doing something...anything. Anything other than going to bed like I should! Why? I was so tired earlier and nearly falling asleep on the couch. But here I am now blogging.. and not tired again!
I also have a friend going thru a lot of craziness, its bringing back old memories too. And I invited my kids dad to go somewhere with me and some friends a few weeks ago and maybe he took it the wrong way, but thought he could ask for anything. And he did, so why did I think he might be a little more mature after going thru all that crap he went through? I have no idea. He hasn't changed at all it seems. But not a big surprise I guess. At least it should not have been.
I work right along the Missouri River where it has been flooded all summer and they recently re-opened the highway again for the shorter path home. It looks so dusty and muddy, and still plenty of water around the highway. Its pretty scary actually...the water is still too close to the road. The shoulder of the highway is actually gone now and there is water there. That is how close the water is to the highway now. So if it starts raining bad again...who knows. It may be shut down again. But it did not seem any faster this morning. I still made it into town around the same time as the longer way!
Well, I think I just needed to dump my thoughts somewhere safe...or maybe not so safe, huh? But, I needed to do this or journal. And I do not have a journal with me. So here I am --- and here I go! Until next time.