A very hectic week

Well, it seems life is at it again. My daughter's lives are going wacko again. One day its the oldest having trouble, the next day its the youngest. Boy, I feel I set a horrible example of how to accept so much unacceptable shit from a man(addict) and continue to survive. But how much of it am I to blame for as far as it pertains to their lives? I feel from things the kids and some family members have said it is my fault they are going thru these things. Although I know I did set the example, and a very bad one at that, they do have their own minds, right? They do see me handling things very differently than before. Its not like they don't know right from wrong and they can make their own decisions. I know they need to follow their own path, even if it is very similar to my own. But my path was not the same as my mother's. She set an example very different from what I have displayed to my girls. It was actually very normal, or what most of us perceive to be normal. No drama, drinking, drugging, or fighting, arguing yes, but no fighting. So why my example was so different I think was due to my own rebellious reasons. Can anyone help me out here? Any ESH to share on how much a part of their lives am I really to blame for? How am I to defend myself? And maybe I just need to forgive myself...

It is so hard to stay out of my children's drama filled life! So hard! I want to see them do better than me but they have nuttier men than their own father!!!! One called her father to help her with the situation, and thank God! I wouldn't have handled it the way he did but, he did excellent. He is in the program too with AA, or NA, and it seems he really is trying to work the program. Anyway, myself and my daughters were all very upset by the fact that he talked to him and gave him a ride home. He feels it is better to try to calm him down than just beat him down! So we were not happy! LOL We really weren't! Anyway it is horrendously hard to stay out of it. I want to take action and know I shouldn't but keep trying to get into the situation. I must of prayed for the Lord to keep me right, because I can't seem to get anywhere near it anymore. LOL! I do think that is it!

The week ended on a quiet note and tho I did lots of calling people this week, it was very hard to find someone to talk to. I assumed that meant I was to trust in God and lean on him for support. I did talk to one person who called me back and she had some ESH for me. I think too just talking about it makes me all the more able to deal with it.

I attended my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend too. I so didn't want to go. The usual stuff, not being where I feel I should be (even though I say I know I am where I should be as far as God's will for my life), not making enough money as I should (this too is according to others), and possibly not looking as great as I'd like (this is totally me, I've become so vain since I started Al-Anon for some reason). But all this I do realize is just the outside, not the real me, inside I am happy, content, assured that God is leading and guiding (finally!), and that I am exactly where I should be at this point in my life. So even though I was kinda reserved about my life right now, I had a good time. I am glad I went, it was good to see everyone again. I didn't go to the 10 year so I hadn't seen anyone except my two best friends since high school. I did get lots of compliments. I enjoyed that very much. I've not been called gorgeous in who knows how long, if ever. I have been working on it too. Trying to get into good shape and lose my belly that's stayed with me for years! Since my first child! It ended all too soon for me, I didn't get to visit with lots of people I intended to visit with and wanted to, but maybe emails will suffice for now.

I missed blogging too, my busy two weeks seems to have me scrambling for time to get back to blogging. I missed reading too. It will be good to catch up. Did I mention I went to the MO State AA Convention in Jeff City? That was one weekend and the next was my class reunion. The week prior I was still helping my child get settled into her new apartment. So time to get back to meetings and blogging and finishing my fourth step!