On the downside of the hill....I think

Finally back! I am finally seeing life get calm again. I guess giving me a rest up for the next episode! I've seen my children's lives calm down too. That I love. Yet and still, my youngest called me out on my own program! I obviously said way too much about her situation to her. She told me she thought they taught me not to be in her business or making so many comments that where hurtful about her life. I really had to think about it, I remember saying one thing to her about it but not all she said. I remember holding back because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I knew I didn't want to say what she claims I said! But no! She says I did say those things to her. I really can't recall so I just apologized to my child. She is 20 years old now. And this was last Sunday when we had this talk. My jaw probably hit the floor I was so surprised to hear what she said. Then she commenced to blame me for her life being the way it is. Now that I did not just let rest. I stood up for me and told her she was grown, she is making her own decisions now and cannot blame me for her life situations. I had no part in creating them. Needless to say that ended the conversation as far as blaming me. I shouldn't have been so far into it true, but I am not responsible for the state of her affairs.

A friend from work also called me on my program. I complained about work, and kept on, thinking I was justified in my feelings. I guess yes, in my feelings but not accepting that I can't do anything about what is happening and to make the best of what I have. Following the rules as nearly everyone else does(see! There I go again!) and doing what I am supposed to do. She quoted Step 1 on me and then pulled out scriptures on me to show me what God's word says about doing my job as if I am working for God Himself! Okay, that shut me up good! Can't I just get a good venting out just once!!!! That is all I wanted, was to vent and get it out! LOL!

I still need a car and now my A/C is out in my house and I have not the money to fix it. I have a single window unit to cool a room and fans. But nothing more. I've been spending the hot evenings over at my daughters new apartment. With the grand baby and my oldest practically lives there! So here we go again all hanging out together again. Good thing we can stand each other for so long. We love being together a lot. Then the phase comes where we just don't see each other for a while. I love it all! We spent time together yesterday with my sisters and my Dad for his birthday. Steaks are his thing so I bought KC Strips and we grilled them for him. He ate to his hearts content as we all did. And I learned how to grill KC Strips! I learned how to grill, period! That was fun too. I like learning new stuff.

God had lots of lessons for me this week. Lots. It seems that though I thought I wasn't hearing His voice, I was, and wasn't paying attention to it. I thought I knew better. Of course, when I think about it, I don't follow the direction of my earthly father either!!!!! I always wait until the very last second or too late to do as he has told me and then I need his help. And, I usually get fussed at for it - as I should! Well, I ran out of gas, locked myself and my father out of the house, missed meetings and church, jacked up my finances yet again, and wonder why I am stressed, have headaches, worry, and am boo hooing to God about it all...all the while wondering why I am going through so much crap! If I just listened, maybe I would go the right direction for once! I bet God is getting a little tired of me just aimlessly meandering about as if I know where I am going and what I am supposed to do! It seems quite a few called me on my program this past week and maybe there is a reason why. I need to check me and stay in my meetings, keep up my readings, my fourth step work, and take a look at me and ask God for more help. And when I get it....LISTEN to it! Then DO IT! LOL!

Lord, just help me please, I'm trying, but I need lots of help still! Thanks for the blessings I know you have in store for my future!

I did get a new camera phone! Yeah, and no, I didn't' have to pay for it! I've had an account so long with one company, that I get free phone offers all the time, maybe every couple of years or so. And the one thing I will not do, even though I love having the latest gadgets, phones, PC components or what have you, I will not pay for a new cell phone. They will have to give it to me or my phone must break before I will call for another and I always take the free phone, never anything I must buy! I think I have ten pics of the grand baby already, and I've only had the phone maybe 5 days. Only two of which I have spent with the baby! That's actually a lot less than my normal amount across two days! LOL I'd better get crackin' huh? hee hee!

Have a wonderful Sunday! I missed being here. And church was so excellent today! I did make it back. I had a nice evening Friday with a friend in the program. It was good talking to her one on one that evening.