Monday, July 30, 2007

Obsessing? Or Normal Worry?

Okay, I'm back. I continued to look for my missing man. I could not help but wonder what happened. All this after finding out he had not contacted his daughter either. So, I did finally find out from a friend of his. Unfortunately, I'm sure you can guess. He is okay. Not where he'd want to be but okay. I will wait for his okay to post his journey but I'm sure I don't need to.

Anyway, I am just wondering if my search was obsessing or not. I didn't go out of my way to see if he'd made it back but I went along my normal business (Avon) in which I also see his family (couple of them), my ex's family, and my friends and conveniently nearby one of his friends. His daughter was a little out of the way but not by much. So this is how i found out the situation. I was always able to find my ex. ALWAYS! He did not like that since I was placed in some pretty dangerous situations and was acting a fool to get him home! I was uncomfortable to approach his friend, whom I thought would have heard something. And I was right. He had. He gave me the info along with more and what I really didn't need. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. But I thanked him and went about my business. So then I was not obsessing about what happened anymore. All was better.

I did talk to my sponsor and it was a very long good talk we had. Each person who knew the story suggested action and I finally did try some action but was not allowed. So I was powerless once again. But all is well. Great now I can get back to me.

My oldest got her own place and she's loving it. She just got in there this weekend. I hope she's fine there. I do not like the neighborhood but it is not something we are not familiar with! Chaos and crime. She has no children, and does not live alone. Her friend from high school lives with her. I'm glad she did it. I just wish it was a nicer area. Well, back later with more....

Today I am grateful for answered prayers!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Sunday's here!

I like Sundays. I relax on Sundays. Today I am not. I am keeping busy and hoping to get SS of my mind today. Anyway I am not acting on my impulse to go by and see if he is there again! He has a couple of messages from me and that is one voicemail and couple of texts. No more! Someone suggested hunt him down. I think not. I do care, I am upset, but I can't do that anymore and I am not chasing a man these days. If he wants to contact me he will. No need to get crazy again. I just hope he's okay. Once I got out of my cheating on me phase, the is he hurt one started!

I did talk to a friend in Al-Anon today. Of course, we joke around so much that I did think it would make me feel better. It did. But sometimes Mr.J is a little harsh. He did suggest a road trip! Sounds excellent! Well, I hope my funds cooperate! They have not lately! I don't see it but maybe if I really want it! Maybe God will let me have it. That would be a nice getaway! I haven't done that in quite some time!

I still haven't spoken to my sponsor! Bad sponsee!!! Okay misspelled but I don't know what the correction is! Anyway, happy sunday! My cuz went to church with me and I enjoyed her company. I think I will go home and play some games on my pc. Or get some things done around my house. Maybe talk to my sponsor finally!

Today I am grateful for

My Al-Anon friend
Life no matter what...

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Ups n downs today...

Still a rollercoaster ride. Well, I'm still missing you all but will be doing some reading today. I feel like I am running too much and doing for others in this new car. I am not taking care of home. And for some reason I feel like I am not taking care of my man. Not that I should be. The time spent with him has been a lot less recently. Either of us is really trying to contact each other. And of course I feel I've done something wrong. But I haven't. I know he is the type of person who would tell me if something was on his mind, but I just have a weird feeling that he is not. And then this weekend, he is just no where to be found. No where, no call, no text, nothing. Totally not like him really. Very uncharacteristic of him. I'm not the only one leaving messages, his friends are too.

On a lighter note, my aunt did go home that weekend. She is doing better but still a very low blood pressure.

My youngest child turned twenty-one this week! And she is kicking it all weekend. I missed out on baby sitting the grand baby. :( A friend and I were trying to go to the drive in tonite and that didn't work out. I wanted to call her but got a little obsessed by my BF being MIA! And I think these are the feelings I got when my exBF started cheating on me. Only at first I was content since things were not good between us. Instantly that is what I initially thought. But I think I am jumpy like that. It really isn't anything new. Well, so much for trying not to obsess! LOL! But this IS where I am getting it out.

I did get my car worked on today. My mechanic disappeared on me too! So I went back to my dad's. I didn't have the money to replace the parts so again, my dad helped out. It was way less than I thought it was gonna be. That was excellent.

I did go to a Spa Party given by one of my friends. I felt bad that I couldn't buy anything to help her out. I felt like I came for the food. But I like and miss her company. I enjoy hanging out with her and her friends - they are so positive. It was so very nice. A very relaxing afternoon. You would not believe it. Just ladies and spa treatments for all! That was great! I need to really talk with my sponsor, we are just bad. We don't talk as we should and I still haven't completed my fifth step!

Well, done obsessing but probably not the last of it.

Tonight I am grateful for:
An empty house! I could mope as I wanted and not worry about anyone else wanting to know what is going on.
My love me unconditionally dogs!
Those in Al-Anon I can contact tomorrow.
My God who is always there to comfort me. Whom I can lean on anytime.
My church where I can go tomorrow to lift my spirits.
The Word, so I can get closer to my God on an anytime basis!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Well, what an interesting while its been. My life jumped very busy suddenly and I've just been along for the ride. I have an aunt in the hospital, a couple of situations that tested my faith and my distance I've come in recovery, and then some. And the opportunity to help out, well, be there for a friend or two.

But you know God has been very good to me. Very good to me. I have had to work quite closely with the utility companies to get my bills under some form of control and keep my services on while I spend money on my cars needs. Not repairs,just the things I need to handle prior to me being ready within a month to have its plates, taxes paid, blah, blah, blah! Well, I'm okay and missing my Internet, but it is a luxury! And now I have a backup. So I can use it for a bit. Anyway, money is still very tight, but hopefully I can adapt to having less and lowering my bills, living on a budget and still getting things done! Hopefully there is someplace new in store for me as well! I've missed reading everyone again! I don't get enough time at work to read or do anything like that. I must do what is needed online while I have the access!

I had a friend whose mom went in to the doctor to find out she had a brain tumor. Surgery to have it removed, and it has been found to be malignant. He asked for prayer and I visited with him and his mom in the hospital. I really never know what to say at times but I know they enjoyed my company.

More later...

Friday, July 06, 2007

Missing my Internet!!!

Hi All! I have been gone just busy with life and I had to let a few things go to get my car in shape and legal for the road! I wasn't ready for those expenses and so something had to go! My Internet was first!!! Wah!!! Man, I'm hurting too! Or nickin' I should say! Anyway, I'll be back soon I hope! Bye!