Unmanageable???

I've been kinda mopey today. Feeling down and, lonely? No, not lonely. My girls where here most of the day and the grand baby too. I just feel weird. I not real sad but down a little bit. I have needed a lot of rest lately and I actually got some today. I did nothing. I was so happy to make it to my kickboxing class again today, but it was cancelled. Well. I was looking forward to that.

I still don't want to do anything around here either and I start and then quit! I can't stand it. I feel like I need help but I don't want to ask for it. I feel like I should be able to do what I need to do around here too. With out any one's help. Its my place, I should be able to take care of it! But I am very slow at changing in that area. I'm not even online as much as I used to be and I still haven't done much of what I need to do around here. Maybe I should just admit my life is unmanageable in this area and get working to apply my program here....hmmm. Maybe that's a start.

Feeling good about me today!

Boy! Finally it is slowing up a little. My workload is increasing but, I am getting a start of a good flow. Still going pretty fast but I feel like I can keep up now! I wish my speed would improve sooner, I always do! My job is a very manual job, lots of manual stuff! I am so used to everything automated. So I am very slow at it. I don't get how my support does it so quickly! I really don't but she has done it for many years and I am just starting to do it, so I really can't compare to her at all!

My support is an older retired woman, she loves doing payroll, and she is very good at it! She is having a very hard time letting go of it. I don't know how long she's been doing it before I got there. But she is seriously fast and has the flow down. I think I had a hard time letting her go too, I enjoy working with her. And I've not had an office before, its tucked away from everyone and I do enjoy her company. I want her to work with more often, but I do have to be able to do the payroll alone, she likes taking trips and I can see she will not be around very much at times. When she wants off, she will take off!

I felt so good when today I got to a point I wanted to reach prior to going home! And my limit was 7pm. I made it! Right on the dot! I've been trying to make it week after week, and finally I've made it! I am still slow but I made my first goal! Now I can improve upon it! I hope tomorrow goes as well as today. I can be checking my work by the end of the day and not stay so late! That's tomorrow's goal. I will need to go in early to accomplish it I think, so that's what I'll do. I did a lot of praying too today, for the ability to do my job as I need to!

Today, I am grateful for:

• the job my God gave me! I still love it!
• My dogs who love me so much, and are so glad to see me when I finally get home!
• the little Mexican restaurant near my home! I love their tacos.
• My grand baby! He's so beautiful.
• My kids, they love me so much too!
• My Partylite candles
• The good feeling I got for reaching my goal tonight!
• God meeting my needs, and giving me the ability to take care of me!
• My willingness to change. God granting me the ability to change!
• My time here!
• Enough money for my bills
• My Internet connection
• My troubles, they help me grow.
• My car! My small gas tank!!!
• My TV!
• Exercise that makes me feel great!
• Wanting to break a bad habit!
• My favorite foods in the fridge!

Slowing down!

Today I am staying home! I still have a lot going! But I am staying home and taking care of home today! I am going to my Sunday School Class and the one tonight! But the rest of the day is for home! I'm feeling very tired but good about me today.

Running - Running - and more running!

Well, since my last post I am still working late sometimes. Its lightened up but now I am just doing too much outside of work. I want to do everything with everybody and I am wearing myself out! I need to just relax and do nothing. Or catch up on some things I need to be doing!!! Like housework! Handling my finances better! Relaxing!!! Okay, that's my update! I gotta go to bed now!