Monday, February 26, 2007

I'm Back to Blogging!!!

I miss blogging. I want to get back to normal. Just been so busy. Birthdays, Roundups, Outings, tons of activities have gone on. And if I am home to blog there is always something to do around the house or I am tired! Oh, and PC problems. Just slowwww moving problems with my PC. And that is if I am home for any length of time!

My Al-Anon Mom & Dad had their birthdays recently. One in January and one in February. Of course I must be there! If Ma is doing anything. Hers is coming up in a few days! The Sunflower Roundup was excellent! I didn't get a CD of the one speaker who just cracked me up! They sold out of him completely! I have to order online now. He was Doug R. from Tujunga, California. He was hilarious! A riot! Anyway, I gotta order him online! They had a tape but I don't have a tape player anymore! I needed a CD! I made it to the Roundup every day. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Quite a while on Saturday too. I did not attend the dance this year since I was going to see the new guy!!! But everyone I knew who might have gone was not staying for the dance. They all went home!!! So, I left! My girls didn't make it on Sunday like I had asked them to. They went with their father for his birthday lunch get together his family had on Sunday. I was disappointed but he doesn't see them near as often as I do, and they chose to go with him anyway! OOOOOoooo, that hurt! Not really! I know they didn't really want to go! One went with me last year and she liked the speaker, oh well, there's always next year.

My ex announced their plans to be married in June back in December last year. Its been moved up to this Saturday now. My oldest is not liking that idea and doesn't speak well about it! My youngest is quite accepting of the whole thing. I am not feeling badly or upset over it - I am so glad! Actually it is a relief, since it seemed like he kept picking the exact same days we had marked our anniversaries and significant dates from our time together. It seemed he was trying to replace me with her. But who knows, I didn't think he was actually choosing those specific dates as similar milestones in their relationship. He couldn't possibly be, I know his memory, and it is not good. Never really has been. But it did seem like it and now with them marrying in March, it is not a big deal anymore.

Anyone heard of this HBO series on Addictions? I've gotten an email about it and it starts in March...I forgot what day. I have a friend who says I can watch with him. I hope so, I hope he doesn't forget. I know very few people who have HBO and most I don't know what their plans are and they may not even be interested in it enough to watch. I want to see this series though. Sounds very interesting. And I have no cable whatsoever! LOL!

I keep noticing I am still doing little CodA behavior with the new guy. I wait for approvals(not just with him either!), do things that he is not expecting me to do for him, I feel like I need to be at his side if he walks away. Its weird to see myself doing this. And I can stop myself but you know, I gotta think about it and apply my program constantly thinking on it. It isn't as bad as I may sound, but I do see these things. Sometimes its funny and sometimes not. I don't know if he notices some things, but I think he does. He seems surprised at times.

I am glad he (the new guy) is accepting of my meetings. I figured it would be a problem in my next relationship since I do go on Friday nights. My Thursday is early enough to not take my whole night. But the Friday meeting does. We get done at 9 but sometimes chat until 10 or so if its nice out. Its been a while since we've done anything after the meeting. I am grateful for someone in my life who doesn't insist on his way all the time. I am free to do what I need to do for me. It is such a blessing for someone to understand and support me, especially one who is not in the program but is part of my life. An important part of my life.

I did get a rather funny question from him recently.... I attend so many meetings regularly, he thinks I am not telling him the truth about not having an addiction. And since I attended the Sunflower Roundup, which is an AA thing, he thinks I was an alcoholic and just not telling him so. He's not seen me drink and I am with him sometimes all weekend long. So hopefully he can tell I am not lying to him. He doesn't seem to be real serious when he asks me that. I thought that was funny. And of all days my father asked me if I went to church Sunday, and I didn't - I went to the Roundup Spiritual Meeting that morning! So I told him I went to hear ex-drunks tell their stories! He seemed to get a kick out of that one!

Today I am grateful for:
My program helping me recognize my little CodA behaviors and things I need to watch.
My Sponsor
A man who thinks I deserve to be treated well. (I've never heard those words before!)
My Al-Anon Ma and Pa, and their love for me...And my love for them!
Each of you who read me. So many of you that I read.
My dogs - even though they are making me nuts right now! (One is in heat!!!!)
My friend who brought me soup when I was sick.
My Al-Anon friends who miss me when I'm gone!
My father who pours it all out when we see each other. And him treating me out to eat!
My CodA friends who miss me when I'm gone!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

God is Amazing, Life is unbelievable sometimes...

You know God is so good. My friend at work, her daughter was hit by car on the highway just this past Tuesday. She was fine, nothing broken. She was back to work on Thursday! We had just had a new snow and she lost control and ended up in a ditch. A tow truck pulled her out. Her and her car were fine. Then someone else lost control, hit the tow truck, hit her, knocking her twenty feet away in the air, and then hit her car too! She ended up face-down in the snow, and she is fine except for bruising on her legs! Amazing!

You know, God is good to me. I've met a very nice new guy(same new guy), I've eaten all week long for free, my car is still running well even in this bone chilling weather, and although my finances are extremely tight, I have everything I need. My friend from one of my meetings said he missed me - in his own way. I've missed him too. I received a thank you note from my Al-Anon Dad, for attending his birthday celebration. I have a connection to the Internet at my beck and call!!!! Yahooooooo!!!!

Well, I am sick today. I had a good Valentine's Day too. My dinner didn't turn out right, but he still liked it. I am determined to make it again. It was too easy and it didn't turn out right. So I must do it again. I liked it too, I want to try again. It was a quiet evening. It was nice. And we had lunch for the next day!

I wanted to write more, because more has happened. I'm tired. I'll be back....Haven't seen my cousin yet either since I've been sick!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Birthday Weekend

I keep having trouble with my connection again. Well, no my PC keeps locking up on me, hence the not coming back to post again! No one was hurt in the explosion last week. Everyone was out before it blew. Then the next day, it blew again, but not so big, just before firefighters went in! They weren't hurt either. And the wind blew the smoke west, so it didn't fall in my neighborhood and we didn't need to evacuate! Thank goodness.

I took Friday off for my birthday and tried to get a little business done. Of course, that didn't happen! Not good! I am scrambling this week to do it now. And I need to get this stuff done! But I did have a good weekend. Friday I made my meeting, late, but I made it! It was a good one. Saturday, I wasted, I should have cleaned house and only did a little bit. Then felt down for some reason and slept instead. I don't know what discouraged me. Things aren't going well again at work though. I didn't get a raise I was expecting. That hurt! So that was probably it. I found out Thursday and then went to the new guys at his invitation. To help get my mind off of it. Once I came home on Saturday, I felt down and slept. S, the new guy, took me to a movie and then to dinner. It was nice. It was also hard to find a place not packed!!! So it wasn't what I think he wanted to do but it was still good. The local casinos were very busy this past weekend!

Then Sunday my family gathered at a local Chinese Food Buffet and it also served Mexican food. Not much but they had Menudo! My favorite! Then to my sister's for cake and ice cream. Instead of a Valentine shaped cake, my sister bought me cupcakes with Valentine rings on them! I loved my weekend. My boss took me out for lunch Monday and Wednesday we are having food for my birthday and Valentine's Day at work! Yeah! It is my birthday week! I am making a small dinner for S, hopefully he will like it. That's for Valentine's Day! I found the perfect card too! And a few manly items I think he will like. So I need to get around and see how everyone else is doing!
OH! My cousin who is going to Afghanistan is coming back for one final weekend before he goes this weekend. He wants to meet S, and we all go out somewhere. It will be so good to see him again before he is actually gone for a year! This is an unexpected visit!
Also, during this past week, I have found myself noticing lots of little things I keep doing that are so codependent! Its just small stuff, but I do notice it. I keep awaiting approval from those I am around. Even though the decision is mine to make. Almost everytime. I am seeking approval from everyone lately. I need to work on that I think. I am also seeking company constantly, which keeps me from doing the things I need to do. I need to take care of me as well, and I am slacking up on that as well. I guess at least I recognize or notice what I am doing. Now to apply my program. I'm trying...

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Explosion here!!!!

Hey! We had an explosion here yesterday! It made the national news. Here is a link with really good pictures of what was happening and what we saw from all around the metro area!!!

And there you will find a Photo Gallery link. I did get a couple myself. Be back later!

Monday, February 05, 2007

The Crazies

You know, I know when I do something wrong to someone and I need to change something. Recently, I felt like I had done something wrong due to how someone was behaving with me. They weren't doing anything wrong. I thought they were being kinda distant. I don't know why, or how their behavior led me to believe that they were. I believe if I did something wrong or hurtful, this person would tell me. But they didn't need to tell me anything. I knew nothing was wrong, but I still felt like I had done something wrong. I may have screwed up somewhere. But that wasn't the case either! I can't stand when I feel like that! I think about it - or rather, obsess about it - the remainder of the day! Does anyone share this feeling at times??? I have to mentally or physically stop myself from thinking about it constantly. It sucks! I hate when I do that and I've done it a couple of times recently. Anyway, after some work, that feeling disappeared! I'm so glad. By the end of today, I felt new all over again!

On a more pleasant note, my family met the new guy today! My father and both my sisters and brother-in-law and his parents too. He met the Familia, they liked him. My dad wasn't vocal at all about it but, I could see he was pleased. He probably wants to hear how he treats me as things progress between us. He is taking the cautious route of accepting him. But then again, don't all dads? LOL! We watched the Superbowl at my sister's house. It was a pleasant evening. Yeah!

OKay bedtime!!!!