Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Roundup info and Birthday plans!!!

Yes, the RoundUp is a good time to be had! I didn't know anyone last year when I went and I went with the lady who runs our Al-Anon meeting. I went with her and her husband on Friday. They didn't stay long but I stayed until midnight. I stayed for a late meeting and the two speakers that day. There was lots to do. And lots of vendors and stuff to see and buy. I checked out all the AA books and devotionals I had a chance to look at. I will probably buy a Big Book this year. Or some other AA publication. I went back all weekend long. And that was alone! Saturday most of the day I was there except for lunch which was pretty pricey for me so I went out to get some lunch. I went to the dance and only danced a couple of times. I was afraid to ask anyone, since no one was asking me! So finally I did, and met someone who knew folks who attended the AA meeting in my same building. That was pretty cool! He was pretty young too. Too bad! Too young for me, but that is probably good! LOL! I was there Sunday and took my youngest daughter who liked it as well. It sounds like gossip to her, so she liked the stories she heard from the AA speaker that morning. Needless to say, I was hooked. It was great! I look forward to it this year again! If I could figure out how to post a file or something I could post the registration flyer and all that so you can see what the agenda is and the speakers who will be there.

It is cold here again this week. Its supposed to be frigid for the next two weeks! I don't like the cold. I really don't like it! I am taking a vacation day for my birthday. And it is supposed to be cold!!! Hopefully, I can spend it with the new guy I am seeing. It should be a busy weekend. Or maybe not! That maybe nice too! We have planned to see a new movie that Friday! So plans are already in the works.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Birthdays, Sponsors & Roundups!!!

Friday's meeting was really packed! The table was full and I arrived late and had to find a place along the wall! It was a cozy seat right next to the heater! So at least I wasn't cold! I usually am in there at this time of year! I welcomed the ESH from those who shared. And the appreciation from those who didn't but shared their appreciation to those of us who did! We have a few newcomers and they seem to be really enjoying the meetings - they keep coming back!!! LOL

My sponsor wasn't there due to the weather here. We had an ice storm the week before and then the next weekend we had snow! But it remained so cold a lot of the ice didn't melt. So I didn't really expect her to show. She lives an hour away from here and I'm sure it is even harder to get around out there! Further north! I think I will give her a call tonight! We don't talk as much as we should, I know, but I always learn from her sharing. I need to continue with my fourth step too. It kinda got put on the back burner around the holidays and now things are slowing down again.

My birthday is next month!!! Hope things happen for me to have a really good one! Our CodA group will be celebrating our two year anniversary for the founding of the group! And one of us will be having her two year birthday with us as well! Two celebrations in one!!! We are going to a soul food buffet for our celebration. I love their food!! It is excellent!!!

My daughter's birthday was Monday, she's now 22!!! Can you believe it!!! I am 38 (39 this yr), I have two grown girls and a grandbaby! It is still sinking in! That little melt - my - heart baby boy!!! Oh!!! My daughter had a good time and we will be doing cake and ice cream this weekend! We waited since we had some kind of cinnamon dessert at the pizza place! She absolutely loves pizza. We all had a good time last night.

The Sunflower Roundup is coming up in February too! I loved it last year, I think I will go again this year! I love hearing the stories! They are truly amazing!!! Very inspirational too! Hope a few more of my fellow Al-Anons go, it was really good last year! I am looking forward to it this year!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Yet another change to be made...

Well, my vehicle is just about done I think! It's been faithful to me for a few years, I love this car. But its got to go! I am glad it keeps on making it though. I keep calling myself taking care of it but I am not so good at that. I am just barely starting to take care of me better! I'm gonna miss it when its gone!!! The seats are plush like just right firm pillows, it rides pretty smooth even with all its problems. Well, not all its problems, just a costly transmission I am not willing to fix! I wish I had the money to put into it to restore it. I would love to have a low rider that looks like this!!!! It is in pretty darn good shape though. Only a few things as far as the body need to be done. And just keeping it clean and running properly. Wah, I do need something more economical. That is the main reason I want out of it. At the over $3 a gallon of gas period, I thought I was gonna go broke! If there was a bus that would take me even any where close to my job I'd be on it!!! This baby would be parked and I'd be on that bus daily!!!

And young men really like this car. I've had so many offers to buy it when I didn't want to sell it. And it draws a lot of attention. So much that they like trying to take it and got it once. Usually they only get my CDs! I always put on my club no matter how short my stop may be. I'm gonna miss it!!!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Just feeling grateful

I love my face 2 face groups that I attend. I attended my CodA group this week, my Al-Anon group was cancelled due to the weather Friday. We got hit with freezing rain, sleet all day long on Friday, so no one came out. But at the CodA meeting, we discussed a work situation I was dealing with. I want to stand up for me, but in this case I think, it may not be the wisest thing to do! I could loose my job, and I am pretty angry about it. But I don't see any change that could arise from me saying anything. I've heard many stories too about how this situation will not change. All due to higher up execs and friends and all that kinda thing. I got some very good advice that I could handle doing in this case.

This is what I love about my f2f groups, I can immediately address my concerns that others may have gone through, and their ESH makes me able to figure out what to do when I am at a standstill. They had a question for me too concerning my last post, about the new guy. It was, "You were waiting for what????!!!" LOL, I thought it was funny, that is all I could do - laugh!
I love my groups. I am grateful for the family I have in both those circles. I feel so safe and so accepting and accepted of them! I love the contact I maintain between the different members and I. I like talking with them, sharing with them, and feeling the love I feel from them. They are great!

Today I guess, in the absence of my meeting last night, I am just feeling grateful for what my program of recovery has brought me today! I love my programs and what each has taught me and continues to teach me. May I stay ever so more willing to change as I grow older!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

My New Year's Eve

I forgot to post my New Year's Eve night happenings!!! It was quite different this year! One thing I did that was an as usual thing was to go to the church event we were having. But we had a singer I absolutely love! So I had to go! And my friend from work and lots of her singles group from her church were coming to see him too! They had no New Years Watch service this year. So, I had also planned to leave church early to hang out with another friend at a local restuarant/bar. I hadn't been there before and I really wanted to go to a party this year since I normally don't do that. And I wanted to have a drink too (I am an Al-Anon - if you didn't know) for once on New Year's Eve at a party or something like that. Basically, I wanted to do something different this year and I was dead set on making it happen. I did have a few options but things just didn't work out that way!

My cousin called me the same day folks were calling me to invite me or ask me what I was doing for New Year's eve. He was back from NJ for the holidays and he needed to go back to the armory by 2:00 am New Year's morning! So, if I drink, I know I can't drive, I am no good even after one (strong one). So since he needed a ride that basically cut my option to drink. So that was out! No drinking for the night. I had to pick him up at 1 am. And church ended at 12:30 or so.

I wasn't going to stay for the full service at church. I was going to leave early to catch up to another friend. I ended up staying at the church until 12:15 then left to go to my cousins house! I got a call from a friend who was near Westport (our party area here in KC) who needed a ride. So after getting my cousin, we went to get my friend. Who had been sitting at least an hour and it was cold that night too! So my cousin, his wife, my friend and I took him to the armory. NO one was there of course when we got there. So we had to wait. Then the new guy had called to invite me to his friends get together he always goes to. So I told him if he was still there, I would join him as well. But after my cousin left and my friend got home. My friend happens to live in that part of town anyway. And my cousin's wife wanted to come too so she wouldn't have to think about my cousin leaving, and we have a good time together anyway.

So we dropped off my friend, and headed for the new guys get together! He didn't give me correct directions and the party was over by the time I was headed in the right direction. So now we needed gas. He met us at the closest QT and gave me a hug. Then he asked for a ride home - he was driving a friend's truck home for him who had been drinking. He always does this for him he says. Anyway, okay, so now I need to follow him and give him a ride back north to his place and then take my cousin home back to KCK! I was all over the city all night long! I actually don't mind the long drives and can drive straight thru for five hours at a time. I was thinking from the time my friend called me, man, this night is not turning out quite like I had hoped! But the new guy ended up not needing a ride, so I finally took my cousin's wife home and I got home about 4:15. Went to bed about 4:30! I was SO tired by then and was so glad to be home!

But even though the night didn't go any way I had planned, I had fun driving everyone to their destinations and I still got to see everyone I wanted to see that night! Very different and I still had fun. Maybe God didn't really want me to have that drink, huh? That's what I was thinking. And, I had plenty of coolers in my fridge so I could drink later(can you tell I'm a heavy drinker? COOLERS!). And they are still in there today. Just sitting, getting old - if that happens. They probably will sit there until my birthday now - next month. I think I've had them since Christmas.

Today I am also grateful for:
The chance to help out my cousin and my friend that evening. My cousin almost let me out of it that night. Actually, he did. But I really wanted to do it for him, so I insisted he let me take him. It was my chance to see him just before he left for NJ and later to Afghanistan. We will not see him prior to his leaving for Afghanistan. Now we won't see him until 2008.
My ability to ask for what I want when I feel really strongly about it - now. I didn't feel I had that option before.
My higher power, God, who keeps my butt in line when I try so hard at times to do my own thing. For His ability to change me when I still think it can't happen.

New Year - New things

Well, this year is starting out pretty good so far. I've just been so busy. My oldest moved out Friday, and it was kind of sudden. I don't think she was planning to, but then the opportunity came up and she's gone. I thought my place would be a little more empty, but its not. Which means I have lots of crap!!!! I need to straighten up and throw out my crap!!! Well, I think I was placing my cluttered life on my kids? I think I was! Not all of it, but a really good portion of it. So reality hits me on that one!!! LOL.

I haven't heard much from my ex since Christmas either. That was when he told me he was engaged. But since this new guy has been in my life, I haven't really much thought about it until today. My girls I know are going by to visit with him. They mentioned it to me recently.

And the new guy, I am very comfortable with him. Very comfortable. Unfortunately, I jumped into the physical way before I wanted to. I did want to, just not so soon, but I was just always wanting it a lot. And that was way prior to meeting him. I was fighting off lust all the time. Not that I am into casual sex with anyone, I am not. It was pretty overwhelming for me to feel the way I was feeling. But, you know, now this conflicts with the way I think my religious beliefs say I should live. I wanted to uphold that standard but it was getting so much harder on me - or maybe I just think that it was. Or I just want what I want. And my program says I can find out what I want for my life and its okay for me to be happy. And I still am happy, but I feel very convicted still due to my religious beliefs. I've wanted this for quite some time and it was just getting worse. I mentioned to a friend about finding a lover(joking but not!) to fill that void for a while. Even though I feel its wrong too. My friend told me to pace myself...well, to me that meant wait. And that was not long ago. That went right out the window on New Year's Day when I visited the new guy. Well, it wouldn't have if I held out on the kiss. That was the start of it. It was kinda funny too though. I kept thinking to stop in my mind but was physically doing the opposite. But one thing I do remember...I was wanting to not upset him by stopping. Even though I did actually say I didn't want to go so far. It made me think about my motives, but still, I was wanting to, so its hard for me to say I was trying to please him or just doing what I wanted. But I tell you one thing, I didn't regret it for long! Maybe the next day tops! Then it was not a big deal anymore until church time! Well, middle of the week, then it started to bug me again-due to my convictions. I do welcome feedback on this issue in my life....feel free! I would love to hear from you all on this.

Today I am grateful for:
My girls, making their paths, hoping they do better than I did.
My dogs, for their happy faces and attitudes when I've been gone too long!!!! Which is a lot lately.
The new guy, some one who treats me better than any man I have come to know so far. And his direct way he communicates with me. My comfort level with him.
The New Year, with its new circumstances and more changes that aren't so hard to accept anymore!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Touching Bases

Hi All!
I am touching bases with you all. I am busy with my family and my new friend. I think things should be calming down pretty soon. I'll be back to fill you in!

Miss you all!!!