Monday, September 17, 2007

Heck of a day today was!

Hey! My sponsor called me this morning! It was so good to hear from her. She's been thru a few things lately! And since I haven't been to my meetings, she decided to call! It was very good to hear from her! I wish I spoke with her more often. I guess I feel like I am bothering her so I don't call. Bad girl again!

Today was such a nice quiet day at work! It was weird. But the boss took us all out to lunch today. Everyone was hard at work today too. We ate Chinese. It was a really nice place. An unexpected surprise. I like those days! Well, no issues arose today.

I wish my speed was a lot faster than it is. I know it takes a while for me to build it up. Then one day it'll just kick in and I'll not have to worry about my speed anymore. I know how I am. Slow to get there but watch out when I get there!

Well, I guess there is one issue gnawing at me...I am not taking care of my business here at home. First I am tired or gone all the time and I sell Avon too. And I am not handling that like I feel I should! And I am supposed to be doing some accounting work for a friend. Its not happening. I really want to do that but I'm not making time for it! I wish I'd do what I know I need to do! I need to give it to God I think and then do some things that make me uncomfortable each day just so I get things done! That's how I think I should approach that! Just do something regardless of what I feel about it!!! I keep saying "I don't wanna...I don't feel like it!" Not good once again.

Hmmmm, am I being to hard on me? But they are all pressing issues to me...I don't know.

Today I am grateful for:

  1. My two dogs who love me so much. Poor things, they are here all day long alone. They fuss at me all night when I'm here. They don't like my absence.
  2. My DSL being back on!!!! Yeah!!!!
  3. My Sponsor's call this morning!!! Actually that should have been number one!!!
  4. My car. I love it.
  5. My job, its not easy, but very fulfilling. I love it.
  6. My coworkers, they are all cool.
  7. My sissy, and her post about me on her blog! Now I can handle the past it would've been so different.
  8. That Chinese we had for lunch today!!!!
  9. My baby who paid me a visit tonight!
  10. My other daughter who didn't visit tonight!!!
  11. All you guys out here who visit me! Thanks for reading!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Working on me!!!

Well, just call me the work-aholic! My hours are getting better now but I still am very tired. Still working alot. I really need to get back to exercising. That will make me feel better and not be so tired! But surely here soon, I will get a routine and things will smooth out!

I think my boss really liked a guy that left. He made sure we all had lunch at a descent time! Since he's been gone we aren't so good to ourselves in that way. And I mean he really did. We could count on it. Now that he's gone, we are all doing our own thing and many times she goes very late if at all! Not good. I do need to work on that myself but I think she wants me to ask her and do the same things he did. Which I will not be committing myself to do! I can't do it for me most of the time. Luckily, I don't feel a pull from inside to do this for her either, but I do notice it when she wants it. She hesitates and will not actually ask, she waits for me to ask her. Every now and then she will stop and ask, and then she'll treat me! So of course I'll go! Won't turn down a free meal! And I can get what I want!

So I need to work on taking care of me and that also includes rest. I don't get that like I should. And it is all me!!! I keep wanting to stay up late knowing I need my rest! Bad girl! Bad girl!!! I am so hard headed with that!

I am still missing my meetings but I don't feel that I am losing myself in my work or making bad mistakes. I struggle with the same stuff I've always had a problem with and now I keep thinking of all the things my ex used to say about me working so much. So it is on my mind to keep my self balanced as much as I can!

And look at me!!! Still up! I gotta go to bed! Nighty nite!!!

Check out my sissy's blog if you get a chance!!!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Coming up for air!!

Well, this week was a really bad week! I thought it was going better at my job and then I was slammed with it all on my own during (of all things) month-end and a holiday pay week, new people, new jobs, and what else could we throw in???!!!! NOT FUN! NOT FUN! But VERY much a learning experience!

I miss my meetings, I kept thinking what am I gonna share? I am so tired at times I can't think. But who cares? I can share that! I miss seeing everyone! I miss releasing my pressures, which I am doing but not to recovering folks! LOL! The outsiders are getting my pressures!

And I notice one recurring behavior that I am not keeping a grip on...that is saying, NO. I don't say it but that is what I'll do. I won't do it or not show up, or avoid them. Or something to that effect. But where that has changed is at work. I do know my limits there and they are quickly voiced. But outside of that, there is no point where I have said NO unless I was seriously tired and just not willing to do anything more. I think it should come before I reach that point, but I'm still working on it! I need to get back into the habit of exercising, and I am eating a little better(but I still could do better), and doing my daily readings, both recovery and in the spiritual department. Although, I guess they are both really one and the same!!! But you know what I mean, bible readings and recovery program readings. I miss them all! I do read on the weekends in the mornings, but most of the time I am distracted it seems, and its just not the same.

And, I keep offering help that I should not be offering. Well, let me rephrase that. I keep getting ready to offer help that I should not be offering. In the case of my bf, I tend to offer it at times but then I stop. I got spending happy to with my new found breathing room due to my new job. I did handle and am still handling a few fires and mountains I'd built, but it is calming down and I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel now. But I did get me a few new pairs of shoes, sandals and I need more clothes for work! I spend more on my electronics than anything else besides food! And my clothes I tend to not want to spend a lot of money on. But my hours are such that I can't make it to any thrift stores at this time and that is where I want to go! I've recently heard of a few good ones lately I need to check out!

I go home, pass out, then get up and go the next day! Five days a week! So I'm not doing anything at home either! I'll be glad when I get a routine and get back exercising so I won't be so tired and gone so long anymore! And that will start tonight with a new kickboxing class at church!!! That'll get me going!!!

The G-baby is here!!!! Gotta go!

Today I am thankful for:

My beautiful grand son who will be here so I can get new pictures of him for my cell phone!!!

The ability to finally pay off some debt, replace my printer with a new one, get new stuff, etc.

The opportunity to get fit and not have to pay for a class! My church is offering free kickboxing classes! One is on-going and the other is a 12 week class of basics.

To have so many old and new friends around me and wanting to hang out! So I get to do many different things! A nice variety of things!

My health, the willingness to start caring for me and the ability to see when I need to make a move!

My car!!!

My church!!!

My recovery friends and those who care about me and want to see me succeed!

My blogosphere family!!!! I miss you guys too...Thanks for sharing!