Sunday, February 26, 2006

So Much Change, So Little Time

Well, I can't believe how quickly things change in my life and in so little time! My ex left rehab after not even a week. I got caught up in his crap as if I was still with him, and learned a few unmentionables in the process about a few others! Man!

The worst part, I think, is the fact that I got caught up in his crap so very easily. I just handed over control to him as if we were still together. He asked for a ride, I gave him a ride, kinda. When he asked for the ride, he asked to drive. I had told him I wasn't going to run him around in search of his drug of choice, well according to him that was not what he was doing. So okay, I can give the ride, I wasn't going to let him drive, but when he asked I did. Reluctantly, I just scooted right over and let him drive and he drove a bit fast. He was pretty frantic. He kept saying he needed to talk but not to me and couldn't get a hold of his sponsor. So I really didn't know what was going on just assumed he was lying to me. He calmed down, slowed down and we went our separate ways that evening.

The next day was his birthday, he called at 3:30 A M! To apologize to me for everything he had done to me and all he put me through over the years. I was too tired to get mad and I wouldn't be mad if anyone called me that late normally anyway. But if it keeps happening, then I start to get mad. I did wish him a happy birthday and that was the end of it. The next morning I was over an hour late to work and I had to make it up. That was hard! I already had time to make up this week! It sucked! Big time! He called two more times while I was at work and finally told me what was up. His girlfriend had taken off on him while he was in rehab, that is why he left. The rest is not good, but it boiled down to this, she's giving him a taste of his own medicine. He now understands what exactly I was going thru with him while we were together. And this was why the apology came again.

Once all that was over, I attended the Sunflower Roundup this weekend and it was excellent! I liked all the speakers I heard! I only missed one and I hope he was good because I purchased that CD. All the stories were very interesting and I learned alot! I also went to the dance on Saturday night. It was okay I went so late. It was after eleven when I arrived. Maybe almost twelve! Everyone I sat with were soon leaving. I felt dumped! Anyway, I met a young man who has an uncle who attends the AA meeting held the same night as my Al-Anon meeting. He knew some of the people I know who attend the meeting sometimes. And a few regulars. We danced the last dance of the night. What a coincidence to meet him! I had a blast at the Roundup this weekend. I may have to go to the meeting my group leader told me about in Jeff City this summer. I really would like to attend the one in Osage Beach too. I loved it while we were there one summer. I would like to go back again to see it...and attending the meetings would be a plus!
Well, my dad just found out I am attending Al-Anon, and he seems to be offended! I didn't realize I hadn't told him, I really thought I had and he doesn't understand - I think he thinks that I am attending AA meetings for Alcoholics. Maybe that is it. I did try to explain but he doesn't seem to be getting it. He asked me if I had some kind of problems to be going to them kind of meetings! My ex's grandmother didn't at first either! I had to explain to her as well. Well, maybe that chance will come soon with Papa! Right now, I gotta go mimis(to sleep)!!!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I am blessed and God is good, All the time!

Since my birthday, I've had quite a bit of contact with my ex, who seems to keep wanting to go over our past and what I did wrong or what I should have done to make things right. One time I did blow up, that was before my birthday...since then I can accept what he feels and just leave it alone once I realize what is happening. If I start to argue, I realize it shortly after. At least I am not getting all bent out of shape, like I did a few weeks ago. I know I handled it badly that day. But it was a slip and I am still learning to accept and deal with so many changes in my life. He is now gone to rehab and all of us (his family) are quite relieved.

My youngest daughter had her baby shower this weekend and it was great! She has nearly everything she needs now and we will need to buy very little! God really blessed us through Alex's family and our families! Many, many came on both sides and friends, etc, etc. She was very blessed, thank God, we really don't have the money to do much but keep the ridiculously high-priced gas from getting shut off!!! Besides all the rest of the bills! And the shower was fun! Plenty of food, gifts, and we got to know each other. I like his family.

Our Friday meeting had to be cancelled due to the cold...wah! The readings were so good that day. I wanted to share how they had helped me through the day. But another time I guess.

Here I am once again missing church! This is not good! I don't like getting out in the cold and I just am so tired! Maybe I will make a meeting tonight. There is one I've been wanting to go to on Sunday night. Well, I think this is it for my entry today. My life has been pretty quiet, calm, serene and uneventful for the past week or so! Thank God for that! I am happy, my kids are happy and we are coming up on that new baby's due date fast approaching!

I will leave a link to my church's website. Yes, the one I have recently NOT been attending due to my own excuses of the cold, and being tired!!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Birthdays, Old & New times, Squabbles, Life!!!!

What's new? I went to a friend's birthday gathering at Niecie's this past weekend and it was excellent! The food was great! I had Catfish there and it was soooo good. Not that I am picky or anything like that because I am not in anyway. I like most of anything as far as food! But I am picky about fish, it's got to be good, real good. Houston's and Niecie's here in KC do it right! The Mahi Mahi fish sandwich is the best at Houston's on the Plaza and the Catfish is it at Niecie's! Well, I like it so much we are going for my birthday on Saturday, the 11th! I hope everyone else likes it as much as I do.

Well, my ex informs me he has to go back to a rehab - phew! Thank God! He was worried about jail time, but nope, I said that ain't happening! You NEVER go to jail - ever! Well, all that worrying I did a couple of weeks ago was all for nothing(and I knew that then, but, you know!) so I am glad that is over. Actually, it was over later that evening that I started freaking out, thanks to the time spent by a couple of friends that night (Thx J & F! U guys don't know how much I appreciate u!). And a house full of college girls! My daughter had some friends in from Columbia, MO that night. It was like old times when my house was always full of girls, kids. I loved it then. And I still love it now! I miss those times. Wish I had more money to host the whole lot many times but I don't. It was nice for the short time they were there. Good to see them all again and spend a little time with them too - I miss all you girls! Or rather, Ladies!

Sashi has one more month, ok almost two, to go on her pregnancy. We're gonna have a boy! That freaks me out too. Never raised a boy and not sure I want to, I think he may give me a heart attack just from the bumps and the dings he will endure. And that is just the beginning. I really hope the maternal instincts kick in when the baby comes, cause I sure don't feel 'em! I can SO WAIT for this grand baby to come! Too bad Mama will miss it - but I guess she really won't miss it, huh?

Mia and I butted heads this week. She has one chore and though we all don't do any of our duties very well, I get a pretty bad attitude and even less cooperation out of Mia. Who knows why, maybe since she's been out on her own for a short time at college, but it just showed a lot the other day and I had to say something about it. Well, she disappeared for the night and I hope blew off some steam. I did. I called up my sis and just released it. She had a story about one of her friends who has the same problem. I think my lieniancy with Mia is the culprit and trying to change things now is really way too late! But she got away for a while and I hung on to it all day until I spoke with my sister, then I felt better. I was able to release it! I was once again speaking as if it was a fact and not just a feeling!!!! So I recognized that and that is when I called my sister. So I could vent and let it go! Then the day went back to normal. Mia called, we chatted or kinda vented to one another for a few minutes, I told her what I needed, what we would try, and left it at that. We are going to switch around chores and see if that works better, but if not, then we switch back or try something else. Either way, something has to change. And I have an amend i need to make to her too, since I was upset, I had eaten her leftovers she came home looking for after work....and didn't care. The minute she said something about it, gave me the opportunity I was waiting for to confront her. So, even though I replaced it with someone else's help (since I am SO poor at the moment), I still need to make amends to her. And as yet, she hasn't made it that's later!!!!!

This week has been pretty darn good. I am blessed but I do need to keep reminding myself who lives inside of me and keeps me going and who I can trust to lead me on my path! That is definately where the thought of the amends came from! Okay Lord! Okay! I know you are just molding me to be what you know I can be...but it ain't easy. As a matter of fact, I am getting lots of dings!!!! Hard head maybe? LOL! Even though things aren't right and seem so bad, you are still in control.

"No more crying about my situation! I know what I gotta do! Gotta pray, gotta trust, gotta believe! Depend on You!" (It's Gon' Be Nice - Yolanda Adams, Day by Day)

This CD is excellent by the way! This is my uplifting music! If I haven't already shared...and I think I have. So I guess I am really trying to impress upon you how much I love this music! It is helping me stay focused on God along with my Al-Anon & CodA literature. A Joyce Meyer devotional and my church's quarterly devotional which is recently working itself back into my daily readings! All these things keep me grounded!

Didn't make it to the Wed night meeting but just hung out with Sashi. I've been away from home so much that I just didn't want to go anywhere and it is frickin' COLD outside!!!! Still, got out for a short minute so she could go to the store. Poor baby, she always stays in the house, just barely starting to get out now, but still not much. Then when the baby comes who knows. She hasn't been a real homebody till now...

Okay, I think I've caught you up to today! This weekend is my birthday and I am looking for something to do since most of my friends are either working, or have grandbabies or kids, or whatever the case may be are busy! Wah! Well, there's always another time too, I can do something later! So I am still hoping! But I am having a Quake 4 party Friday night ( ) with my sisters after the meeting! So I can blow up some stuff!!! Blow off some steam I mean, yeah...Adios!!!!