Saturday, April 15, 2006

New life and old ways

Before this baby came, I was dreading his arrival. I just didn't feel the motherly or grandmotherly instinct kicking in. I could wait forever for him to come. Well, it did kick in! And, now I am fine after sleeping thru the night again. I don't mind holding him while he is waiting for a bottle and not very quiet! I feel the wanting to serve and help pulling me all the time now.

I sure did have quite a problem this past Friday. I wanted to take control of a situation that I probably couldn't have helped anyway. My daughter was having a hard time with the father of the baby and she instantly called me for help. Of course, I tried to jump in to action. But I think God had another plan, as soon as I figured out that I couldn't go anywhere (my car keys where suddenly lost), the situation was solved without my input. I wanted into that situation so badly, extremely bad! My need to rescue her kicked in like before when she would call on my help, and, when I did try to help, it didn't help at all. Things calmed down, but my input was never really received. And if I really think about it, I was trying to tell them how they should be or how they should act. I wanted them to change their thinking and that clearly was not going to happen. I do remember seeing that while I was talking to them. I am beginning to think that we are dealing with someone who isn't mentally well. The things he does just don't make any sense at all. And I just hope things do not escalate.

Even after the situation was resolved, I kept it going in my head, worrying and wondering what was next. I was talking to my sister who kept stopping me from continuing on. She kept saying it wasn't my problem, she must deal with that. And I knew she was right, who knows what I would do once I had arrived there. I was very angry that there was any trouble at all. It just didn't make sense. But I did need someone telling me I couldn't do anything and she was going to have to resolve it, not me. So it eventually helped. I stayed on the phone until I could let it all go or accept it. Then I still didn't find my keys until it was time for my meeting that evening! Isn't that amazing! I found them exactly when I needed them!

At the meeting, many of us had trouble that day, or this past week. We were all talking about an eventful week...So I really wasn't alone. I can't say that it felt good to know that, but it does feel good that others understand and I feel support just in that fact!

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