Pondering Acceptance

I was just thinking about how far I've come from last year at the time of my break-up. I have quite a ways to go yet, and I am only at the beginning but, I've come a long way in a short time. I was considering the fact that with all that has happened, I am still greatful and still enjoying the journey my life is now taking.

Just last night, I attended a concert of a family member here in town. My ex was there and his girlfriend. In the previous month before the concert, he would call me and if we talked about the upcoming concert, he reminded me that his girlfriend would be attending and we could not talk to each other in her presence. His exact words were, "Act as if you do not know me". Excuse me? I took it to mean don't speak. He even told this to the kids - our kids! Of course, they did not like it at all, what, now he can't talk to his own children? Ridiculous! Anyway, he didn't get that direct until the day before the concert. So up until then I thought he was joking. Anyway, Sunday morning he calls and asks me my opinion concerning his request of us. So I told him I thought it was ridiculous. Well, a Hello is okay, but nothing more. Still ridiculous. I am always civil with her and never show her any attitude - I accept her purpose in my life and in his actually. I know I am where I should be and he is too. So being face to face with her is no longer hard for me. If it gets a little physical between them I still have trouble, but I don't tend to chat long enough for that to happen around me. And she does try to show her territory - but she doesn't know that she really doesn't need to. But that's her insecurity - and his I guess. He's told me I did not show enough jealously over him.

Anyway, I was more nervous than previous times running into them. I had a pimple! It is the chocolate season! And my body (face!) doesn't handle it well if I over indulge - and I did over the Thanksgiving weekend and it still is healing now! I wasn't dressed as nicely as they were, and before they showed up I didn't care! I was sitting with his family and they love and adore the girls and I to no end! They came in late, sat away from everyone, and not once did she seem happy. But I didn't see that, I saw how she was dressed. Dressed up and me in tennis shoes, a nice sweater, but in tennis shoes and a break out still healing on my face! All outside stuff. All vanity. The whole time, the girls and I, along with his family, were laughing, talking, yelling at the stage, cracking jokes on each other and discussing business at times, and just having a good time. A smile on my face all evening. It was odd and I hoped we wouldn't come face to face, but we did. Hellos were exchanged and he did talk with the girls. She was silent and actually so was I, just waiting for them to finish. It was odd. But at that time I could really see her face and how seemingly uncomfortable or unhappy she was. Meanwhile, his family is coming up to me and the girls, greeting us, hugging us, kissing us, talking with us, all kinds of affection and recognition being shown to us. Normal stuff. That is when I finally stopped tripping off how I looked which was not bad, just casual. He even seemed uncomfortable. I actually felt sad for her.

I was comfortable. It just fell off me instantly. I have accepted our situations, I am happy with just me and my girls, mostly happy with the me I've discovered. And, did I mention I was happy? No, all is not well in my life. I have found that I caused a lot of my own problems - imagine that! But I am still happy and grateful for my current position. And I think it shows!

Earlier at church on Sunday, I was attending the last session of a class I love. The book we went through talks about dealing with offenses and how God wants us to deal with them. Kind of "turning the other cheek" mentality. And it isn't as I may make it sound. Not letting people run over you, but learning to let things go we can't control (sound familiar?). It was an excellent book. Not taking things personally. Living in truth and speaking the truth in love when needed. It has taught me to deal more effectively with offenses against me and while going through it, I was tested on the matter a few times! With increasing intensity from test to test. Not easy and not always handling things well or correctly. But with baby steps or leaps and bounds, I did get through with a lot of hard work. I feel like I work at applying the program and this book just spoke on the very specific area of offenses. It was a great help. It took acceptance to a very specific area of my life and one which many of us tend to just give up on when it comes to dealing with others. We get offended and start to write them off as purposefully trying to hurt us. And most times it has nothing to do with us at all!

It's not about you, its about me. And I am not God.

Today, I am as happy as I allow myself to be!