Lonely weekend

My weekend went pretty okay. Saturday didn't turn out like I had wished but, it came out okay. I did have some weird moments again...

Saturday I was going back and forth with inviting friends over to have Margaritas. I had missed one's birthday and that is what she wanted to do. I love Margaritas myself. So OK, let's do it! So I finally picked up a bit around here...I can't believe I am taking so long to take care of things around here! That's what I noticed first. And, I am not a very willing host. One lady I knew how she is when she drinks, she's a hoot! She falls asleep! I can handle that. But the other I don't know. Anyway, they say they are coming and so I wait. I bought all the stuff, and waited. Told the new guy I was getting together with the girls tonight and wouldn't be by this evening. And I waited. And waited. I really had debated a lot in my mind as to whether or not to do this at all! It is also the first time I've had any company since the break up. Maybe longer! Its been almost two years since the break up. So this really was a big step for me. I invited SS (the new guy) over too along with his friend. They were supposed to be coming anyway to look at my drain in the basement - clogged!!

Okay, so nobody shows, nobody. Nobody calls, nothing. I called SS and his friend forgot. So there goes that. The friends never call. I didn't call either. I wasn't feeling good with a cough anyway, and I was getting tired. So I didn't make a big deal out of it.

In the past I would have been calling to the point that they may not even continue answering and then started a pity party! Today it was no big deal. I finally got some things done and I have Marg fixin's when I want them. It will sit there too. I always let alcohol just sit there since I don't drink much at all. Maybe God is using these incidents to prune me. As my sister says. That was a Joyce Meyer thing. That is probably why things are constantly happening.

I did feel the pangs of loneliness which I don't understand. It was only one night. I am fine all week and if I am alone on the weekend suddenly I feel lonely. But I am quick to find something to busy my time with. And so I've felt it but I can make it. Its fine. Maybe I am still adjusting to my empty nest. If I hadn't mentioned, my oldest moved out in early January and even though it seems she doesn't care for it much, she is still there. I hate the neighborhood. It is a pretty bad area. I pray for her protection all the time. I'm glad Saturday is over.

Sunday, SS invited me to his sister's for dinner. I went excited to meet some of his family. I felt very extremely shy. I was really not me. Very quiet. I had a good time. But his sister did get a chance to chat with me for a few minutes. She had no idea who I was. I was a little surprised by the fact that he hadn't told anyone about me yet. But I am pretty new to this dating thing, and he did mention he didn't like to make the first move in a relationship. But we've already been intimate and I just assumed he'd at least mentioned me. So I felt a little weird, I was vague with my answers about us and just left it at that. We haven't had any discussion on what we are exactly, I guess its time to find out. That has made me nervous. And I don't know why. Maybe I fear rejection? But I honestly don't think that will happen. So who knows? The next relationship jitters??? LOL! Maybe so....I'm not sure how to proceed except to just ask.

But I had a good time at his sister's place, I felt very welcomed, and went home with a plate of food! Always good!

Church was just for me today. And a few others. The message was not to isolate, because then you are accountable to no one. And you do whatever and your thinking can be your greatest enemy. Pastor was talking about Stinkin' Thinkin' being bad for us. Saying something negative to yourself over and over causes you to believe it and not live up to what God intended for you. And believing in God and acting on that belief are two very different things. I love my church! It is really starting to feel different. Like more open, less condemning and I don't have to be perfect to fit in. I felt like that before.

One of the guys there had asked me to go to lunch after church a few weeks ago. I refused due to $$ and he said he'd cover it. Well, he changed his mind I guess and then just dodged me. Instead of telling me it was more than he'd expected. It didn't upset me, I just assumed that is what was going on and let it go. It had surprised me that he'd even offered and I asked if he was sure. That was a few weeks ago. He saw me today and we just said our "Hello" as normal. I was leaving and he stopped me. He told me it was too expensive for him and that's what had happened. And then he mentioned that I knew his name and always used it when I saw him. He apologized for not remembering mine and then we chatted a little about how long we have attended the same church. Over 10 years for both of us! He is pretty unforgettable, a little off it seems and sometimes pretty hard hearted or condemning to some of his lady friends. From how he describes his interactions with them. Those of us in the church can be a bit self-righteous to others at times, if not always. And I used to be the same with my ex. I'm so glad that has changed.

Anyway, he seemed to really want to talk to me and I just kept taking care of my business, but you know, I felt uncomfortable. Like, since I am seeing SS, that I shouldn't be even chatting with this guy. I felt like I was leading him on or something. There has never been anything romantic even slightly with my friend at church. It was the first time he'd invited me to lunch or even spoken to me other than in passing. But I felt wrong. So is this CodA behavior too? I guess I should do some reading on it. To help me understand. Okay, enough ranting for tonight.

I am very thankful for my weekend. It ain't perfect here, but I finally got something done! One major thing is done now! Next step!!!!