Monday, February 26, 2007

I'm Back to Blogging!!!

I miss blogging. I want to get back to normal. Just been so busy. Birthdays, Roundups, Outings, tons of activities have gone on. And if I am home to blog there is always something to do around the house or I am tired! Oh, and PC problems. Just slowwww moving problems with my PC. And that is if I am home for any length of time!

My Al-Anon Mom & Dad had their birthdays recently. One in January and one in February. Of course I must be there! If Ma is doing anything. Hers is coming up in a few days! The Sunflower Roundup was excellent! I didn't get a CD of the one speaker who just cracked me up! They sold out of him completely! I have to order online now. He was Doug R. from Tujunga, California. He was hilarious! A riot! Anyway, I gotta order him online! They had a tape but I don't have a tape player anymore! I needed a CD! I made it to the Roundup every day. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Quite a while on Saturday too. I did not attend the dance this year since I was going to see the new guy!!! But everyone I knew who might have gone was not staying for the dance. They all went home!!! So, I left! My girls didn't make it on Sunday like I had asked them to. They went with their father for his birthday lunch get together his family had on Sunday. I was disappointed but he doesn't see them near as often as I do, and they chose to go with him anyway! OOOOOoooo, that hurt! Not really! I know they didn't really want to go! One went with me last year and she liked the speaker, oh well, there's always next year.

My ex announced their plans to be married in June back in December last year. Its been moved up to this Saturday now. My oldest is not liking that idea and doesn't speak well about it! My youngest is quite accepting of the whole thing. I am not feeling badly or upset over it - I am so glad! Actually it is a relief, since it seemed like he kept picking the exact same days we had marked our anniversaries and significant dates from our time together. It seemed he was trying to replace me with her. But who knows, I didn't think he was actually choosing those specific dates as similar milestones in their relationship. He couldn't possibly be, I know his memory, and it is not good. Never really has been. But it did seem like it and now with them marrying in March, it is not a big deal anymore.

Anyone heard of this HBO series on Addictions? I've gotten an email about it and it starts in March...I forgot what day. I have a friend who says I can watch with him. I hope so, I hope he doesn't forget. I know very few people who have HBO and most I don't know what their plans are and they may not even be interested in it enough to watch. I want to see this series though. Sounds very interesting. And I have no cable whatsoever! LOL!

I keep noticing I am still doing little CodA behavior with the new guy. I wait for approvals(not just with him either!), do things that he is not expecting me to do for him, I feel like I need to be at his side if he walks away. Its weird to see myself doing this. And I can stop myself but you know, I gotta think about it and apply my program constantly thinking on it. It isn't as bad as I may sound, but I do see these things. Sometimes its funny and sometimes not. I don't know if he notices some things, but I think he does. He seems surprised at times.

I am glad he (the new guy) is accepting of my meetings. I figured it would be a problem in my next relationship since I do go on Friday nights. My Thursday is early enough to not take my whole night. But the Friday meeting does. We get done at 9 but sometimes chat until 10 or so if its nice out. Its been a while since we've done anything after the meeting. I am grateful for someone in my life who doesn't insist on his way all the time. I am free to do what I need to do for me. It is such a blessing for someone to understand and support me, especially one who is not in the program but is part of my life. An important part of my life.

I did get a rather funny question from him recently.... I attend so many meetings regularly, he thinks I am not telling him the truth about not having an addiction. And since I attended the Sunflower Roundup, which is an AA thing, he thinks I was an alcoholic and just not telling him so. He's not seen me drink and I am with him sometimes all weekend long. So hopefully he can tell I am not lying to him. He doesn't seem to be real serious when he asks me that. I thought that was funny. And of all days my father asked me if I went to church Sunday, and I didn't - I went to the Roundup Spiritual Meeting that morning! So I told him I went to hear ex-drunks tell their stories! He seemed to get a kick out of that one!

Today I am grateful for:
My program helping me recognize my little CodA behaviors and things I need to watch.
My Sponsor
A man who thinks I deserve to be treated well. (I've never heard those words before!)
My Al-Anon Ma and Pa, and their love for me...And my love for them!
Each of you who read me. So many of you that I read.
My dogs - even though they are making me nuts right now! (One is in heat!!!!)
My friend who brought me soup when I was sick.
My Al-Anon friends who miss me when I'm gone!
My father who pours it all out when we see each other. And him treating me out to eat!
My CodA friends who miss me when I'm gone!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have a lot of life buzzing around you..wow..but it all sounds good and healthy MsManna.
I think it is so important for you to be honest when you see the "codie" stuff resurfacing.
Nip that in the butt and relax with your new self.You have come a long way from what I have read and of course you deserve to be treated with extra TLC from the new guy too.I appreciate all you share here MsManna.Just post when you can..don't let me bug you! lol

Anonymous said...

Hey MsManna..hope you are yours were safe during the tornadoes!
xo Tab