Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Returning to write again...

Wow! It's been forever since I've blogged here. I think I left you last when my father passed away. I have been through a lot again and am now fighting like a girl. To catch you up since my last post in 2012, the very next year I was diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer. And the doctor actually did not think I would make it much longer. I was having a lot of pain and they did not expect me to make it. But! Alas! Here I am now two and a half years later. And I know that isn't long but I've come from "We can keep you comfortable and let it run its course", to "I still can't believe how well you are doing!" So it seems like a long time. And being housebound now, it also feels like an extremely long time!

So, sadly, I am not able to make it to the meetings anymore since I don't drive and I sold my car because it was just sitting there going no where! Because I have discovered, I actually can drive without any problems but I didn't think I would because of bad cramping in my right hip. So, oh well, now I am dependent on others to get me here and there. Which is actually nice most of the time but when I really want to just get up and go, I can't. So everything is usually planned now.

I talk to some of the people in my groups here and there but not too much anymore. I miss them. But, I've had tons of support and I do frequent an online Cancer Support Group now. So still into groups but with a way different topic. I have a whole new set of support and much more experienced at this struggle than I am! I think I am the youngest one in the group too. That's kinda sad. But I could my blessings and I am so glad I am still around. I have grand babies to see and watch grow up and I have a higher power who watches over me! I know without Him, and all the prayers from those I requested from, I may not even be here. And  for that, I am very thankful!

Now I do depend on others a lot for a lot of things. I have a daily (during the week) nurse who comes to cook and clean and help me with whatever I need so I am not always alone - even though many times I would like to be though. I am just like that now it seems. My boyfriend has been very supportive beyond what I expected but hey, from what I had before him...I was expecting very little. But he has had this in his family before and maybe he knew what might be to come. And he did it without complaint at all! I am so grateful for him and that part of him. Much of the burden has been on him from the beginning, he was with me most all the time so he became my caregiver. At least until we got the daily nurse. I still feel very blessed to have him because he still does a lot for me even with the nurses around. I mean they can't be here all day (thank goodness!).  I have my Shitzu still who loves it that I am home with him all day long. He loved laying around with me when I was sick home from work and now I am here full time. I am looking into doing something to make more money because I really need it and I think it would make me feel much more productive.

Now to the geeky part. I depend on my Internet as my connection to the outside world. My cell phone doesn't have to be the newest but I prefer it. I use it the most of anything now. Texting to keep in contact with family and friends. And its easier to hold if I need to lay down. Especially since Chemo wears me out! TV, I still love watching the news and knowing what is going on in the world around me, no matter how saddening it is. I use Hulu and Netflix a lot now, I wish the local Price Chopper would do call-in orders for my groceries but I think the nurse likes to get away and do those things for me anyway. But it would fix the mistakes or misunderstanding we may have on my grocery lists! Oh okay the geeky part is I do actually do more blogging but it is for an online character I have in an online game called Second Life. I 've been in there since 2009 but now I am at home and have found something to do in there to earn me some stuff and talk about the stuff I love in that game. I've done that for a year now and I really enjoy that rather than the aimless wandering and doing nothing but partying, or chatting (if anyone was around) or just doing things with no point. I did start building in there but I am having trouble learning Blender, GIMP, Photoshop and those things which would very much increase my ability and expand what I could make so maybe I could earn a little bit of money (if even only to support my habit!). But blogging for events and stores in Second Life does take a lot of time. And it does help to support my habit in that I do get those items I blog for free. Whereas before I did not and I was blogging them back then too, just not in great detail. And since I love doing this in Second Life, I think I may enjoy it in my normal life too. And maybe I can earn a little money somehow.

And the geekier part of this story is I am going to a local convention called PlanetComicon. It is here every year and this year to save the money of admission, I am volunteering.  I think this will be so much fun! I am in contact with other volunteers and it seems like a crazy bunch of folks! I expect to be one of the more tame ones. They know so many details about the characters I love so much and the genres I follow. But even before chemo, I could never remember lines from movies and backstories and character origins and all that! And now that I am going thru chemo regularly, there is no way I could remember now! I would have to watch and re-read so many things over and over. I just do not have a memory like that and I never have.

And there you have it! Maybe not all the details but a lot of them. I know I've skipped a ton of the details but to spare you the book, I chose to do that.

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