The past few weeks I have had headaches so badly on the weekend and this week they started to stay with me. So for the last few days I've had headaches! Man, all this starts happening just after my insurance went into affect at work. So I only have to pay a copay to see the doctor. It still hurt to pay just the copay! Anyway, the doctor cracked me and cracked me and I feel great. I was so sleepy during my meeting tonight but I feel so good! I am not all in knots anymore.
But I was also so relaxed that I had to go to sleep. I have continued to feel great. I really don't think I need to go back Monday but, I think I will anyway!
I guess the news this week is that a friend and I disagreed about the way I handle my last relationship. She thinks I shouldn't have any contact. And I do. I am not initiating this contact, but it is still happening. It is actually happening more often. But I am happy the way it is and it really is my business, I think I am being very open and am not trying to hide anything. And even that is a big step for me. I never wanted anyone to know all the things I've gone thru with him over the years. And even when we broke up I still tried to keep it going for a very short time before I finally accepted it and started to admit what had happened. But it seems like she feels I should be pissed at him and I was for a while, but when I finally forgave, it just went away. I begged God to please help me not to be mad or rather, stay mad at him, that is all I ever did in the past. I didn't want to be hateful to him. Number one reason: he is still the kids father, he will interact with them from time to time. And we are putting them through college and we still need his help in any way we can get it. I don't want turmoil in my life now that he is gone, I want peace and serenity. Well, we will probably never agree, but it didn't matter. I know she does not hesitate to expresses her opinion and she is entitled to it but I felt like she just wants me to be the same way and I am not. I am not one to hold grudges and stay mad forever. I don't hate folks no matter what they do. Of course I get upset with people like anyone else, it just doesn't stick with me. And now after being in Al-Anon and CodA for a few months, things don't stick with me for very long at all. If something upsets me, I can choose to be pissed off or choose to be happy, or let it go so it doesn't affect me so much. I want to live to be content in whatever situation I find myself in. The bible teaches us we should be that way. And the program says each experience we go thru will is meant to teach us something. And, we are always right where we should be and we can trust God to lead us thru each one. So, my friend and I kinda left it at that, we just differ on that point, it is not the only point. As a matter of fact, we are having lots of differing opinions. Maybe this is my learning time to deal with someone who has such a different opinion from my own and it will help me to figure out why I hold this position, or teach me to stand up for my own position. Who knows but it is helping me to learn how to deal with someone with such strong opinions on this subject. I think I finally held my own for once. I do see my own part in this too. I let her tell me over and over about how she felt. And not once before this did I stop her, or mention what my position was, that I was not happy with her opinion or whatever, I usually gave no indication of how I felt. I know its been suggested that I practice more detachment in my previous dealings with my ex. And I do listen to what people see, where before I didn't at all. They may think I am not, and I may show that I don't like what you are suggesting, but believe me, I am listening. And I will think on it, I think on many more things about changing me now than ever before. Improving and trying to live a new happier life.
No Grandbaby yet either! Preparations are taking place finally. We are getting ready! Maybe by the next post I'll have a Grandbaby.
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