Sunday, March 05, 2006

Discovering Me...

This week was pretty uneventful. But I discovered a few things about me this week. Early in the week, I was asked out by an older Hispanic man, much older, by maybe 20+ years. Well, It really just kinda upsets me that he is so old and wants to take me out. Anytime a Mexican or Hispanic man wants to do this, he's very old. This man is old enough to be my father! And it just made me upset along with something I found out about another Mexican man who is with a young friend of mine. Why do they need to be looking for women who are so young? I started thinking about this after making a joke about it to a friend. I was joking but they could not tell I was (an IM cell msg) joking. So when they commented that I was bitter, I laughed it off but after the conversation was over, I started thinking about my comments. They were pretty ugly and I was only joking, but did I really believe it? And my determination is I do. The comment was possessive, cradle-robbing, drunks! Now I am Mexican myself, and for me to say that was pretty bad I think. I felt that it is true as far as I have seen. Of course, I don't feel that way about my father and I do know that all Mexican or Hispanic men are not like that. It's just that I haven't met any that aren't!!!

One friend I talked to about it said, yes, in many cases we know of, it is true. Or appears to be true but, we still forgive that, and try to win them to Christ anyway, so He can work on them to change them from the inside out. They don't know any better - yet. And it is not up to us to change anyone but ourselves! I brought it up in a meeting this week and was informed that it is not just one race of men who are like that. Other men are like that but we can't dwell on what we think or get depressed thinking all men are alike! They aren't and I've met quite a few men who aren't like that. Unfortunately, none were Mexican! But we aren't to focus on people's quirks or problems, we just need to work on us and let the other stuff go. If it starts to hurt someone and we can do something about it, then maybe we should act if we can. If it will change the situation favorably for whomever is on the victim end of that. But mostly, we can't do anything about those situations.

And, why was I dwelling on it? I don't know, just the information I had found out in the last few days had pissed me off! I don't date any Hispanic men for no special reasons, and I don't really meet them or many of them anyway. Just not interested and I actually never have been and that's just me. Maybe I will meet some in the future...And find some who don't fit my stereotype! That's bad to have those, I never thought I did, but I guess I do! And I don't think I am alone!

I also found that I am really enjoying my life now. I am happy and smile often. I used to think losing my ex-bf would be the end of my life, and I couldn't make it without him. It seemed to feel that way for many months. I hated to feel like I had to start my life over after investing so much time with him. Now I am finding that discovering myself, my likes, dislikes, hanging out with friends and so on is quite interesting and fun! I have new friends and old to hang out with and I am doing okay, there are still major issues in my life I need to conquer and deal with but, for the most part, I am still very happy. I am just working on me and fixing me up so I can be a better person for the next relationship. I like to try new things, I will try most any food, I do like going to new places and I am having a good time discovering these things! I am free to do as I please, when I please! Yippeee!!!

I did do a favor for my ex-bf today. He is going back to rehab and he needed a place to store his truck. So, I allowed it. Don't know if it is right or wrong to do this, but I did. He'll be gone for a while and no one will mess with it here. We've been apart long enough for his new acquaintances not to know he's stored it here. His mom was afraid someone may come looking for him at her place. It's a little busted up. I guess his new friends aren't very friendly. His gf chose to live in the streets again in a former lifestyle and left. This was shocking to me and I started reacting to her story with so much disbelief like I used to react to him leaving our house for the streets! I still really can't believe she chose to leave. She has two children...It is amazing what an addiction will make you do. I understand Alcoholism and Addictions better now than ever but it still amazes me what people will do to fulfill that dependency. I guess I was the same, I had a dependency too, to stay in a really bad relationship and try to change him, I just knew I could fix him. So now I understand from both sides really, not completely from their side, but a lot more than I used to understand. They really don't have a choice of whether or not to stop doing whatever they do, the addiction just takes over. And, in many cases, the addict will do whatever they need to do to satisfy themselves. Pretty sad, the things they, or we, will do. I thank God I don't have a chemical dependency! My life could really be a lot worse.

On a lighter note, I am going to the movies this Friday to see Madea's Family Reunion. A friend and his wife are taking me to the movies for my birthday! Yes, it was last month, but I can handle belated birthday gifts! I don't care when they come! LOL! I am very happy to get them! Yeah!

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