Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Fear hits hard

Well, the issue I mentioned a few weeks ago reared its head again last week. Only this time it came at me in a fear that I haven't experienced before. I think I'd better start trying to deal with this for real. I know I said I was going to see a counselor or something, but I didn't pursue it any further. I figured oh well, I'll be okay. Not so, I had to keep giving that fear up to God over and over again. It was very hard to let go of and usually, fear doesn't stick with me or make me feel that badly. It affected me physically. I instantly got a headache, I got this knot in my stomach, and just felt extremely scared. I couldn't concentrate so I had to do something simple at work to keep working. It subsided after a while, maybe two or three hours later. I need to deal with what is bugging me mentally. It came again after a comment from a friend about my daughter. Nothing bad, suggestive or anything like that. Just a comment. That's it. Last time anger took over, this time it was some very strong fear that I felt. I wasn't in a dangerous situation, but that is how I felt, like I was in a seriously dangerous situation. I think it means I need to deal with this and deal with it soon. Before things get worse. A warning perhaps that I need to continue to deal with it, or rather, to start dealing with it in a real way. Not just thinking it will go away if I ignore it or just act as if things are okay. Acting as if is not working in this situation, I am only hiding my true feelings and not dealing with them. Great! Now I need to find the time to go see a counselor, what time? I guess I will have to look for the time or just make time for it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is a great post MsManna.
I hear your fear and your willingness to no longer act "as if".
I wish you courage to face the feelings and fears you have right now.
All the best to you :)
Thanks for sharing~