Call of Duty

Today was a tough one. My favorite cousin was deployed to Afghanistan today. I went to see him off and to drive his wife and kids (whom I adore and love) back home from the ceremony. I felt so unprepared for the reaction of his wife at the end of the ceremony. She told me earlier that she had been crying all week. She was angry at him, at the Army for his needing to go. She didn't want to cry. I kept telling her it was okay. That is normal, hell I wanted to cry. It just became reality today. It didn't hit me until today. She will be here while he is gone, and they have a large family. He has seven kids. One is hers and the rest are from a previous marriage and girlfriend. She will have to deal with all that and the fact that he is gone for 18 months. Overseas, she can't drive, the kids are Teens, pre-teens and a four year old! She is preparing to drive though, practicing.

She fell into my arms and cried very hard for a few minutes. She didn't want to go over to him at the end. I gently walked her over to him so she could hug him good-bye. She was a mess and me without Kleenex! Today of all days I forget the Kleenex and my camera! I did get some cell shots of the family and him and her. It really was so moving, I had to stop listening to the speeches given. Even the high-ranking officers doing the talking were choking up! If those men had cried, I would have lost it! Its a thing I have, if a man cries I lose it!

After the bus was loaded she immediately wanted to leave. She didn't want to see the bus go. So I complied, and we left. We talked about her feelings, she vented some more, and we talked about grief. She just lost her brother on Halloween and they rushed to Louisiana to the funeral. She was never told he was sick. So she's quite angry that she didn't get a chance to say good-bye. Her brother died of a heart attack, but had been sick for a while before, but her family didn't contact her. He was only 32! She just turned 30 this year. She has one younger brother left. Her mom and dad are still alive. Well, my Grief Share classes have placed me in the position to help answer her questions. I was able to do that tonight. She seemed comforted by what knowledge I did have on the subject. I felt so helpless in the ceremony, not knowing what to say and then falling apart when she did too. I didn't fall apart as I normally do. I did hold my self together enough I think. She just cut loose. And I held her while she did so. I had no words for her, except that she'll be okay, he'd be okay. And to please call and lean on God for everything. And call me whenever she needs. To vent, if I can help her, I will, whatever. Any time she wants to call please do so. So when she asked me about grief, I felt so good to at least be able to offer her some comfort there about her feelings.

And I got to sort of 'witness' for Al-Anon too. My Aunt asked me about the Friday meetings I go to. She is an Adult child as well and then her husband was an alcoholic too. He's been sober many years now. She really noticed how I am faithful to attend the meetings and asked me if I felt they helped me. So there I went! I went on about how the meetings help me get better and help me understand why I am the way I am. And how they've helped me to change my life. I told her the topic we discussed last night(11th step) and how it has helped me get closer to God. She was pretty interested so I invited her to go with me anytime if she wanted. Just to call me. That was a fun part of the day too! I felt so good to be able to do that too.

Today:
I pray that my cousin stays safe and comes back to us safely.
I pray that God's protection surrounds them and the other troops out there daily.
I trust God will protect him while he is away from his family.
I thank God for the opportunity to share what I know from Al-Anon and Grief Share to help someone else.
I thank God for my program that keeps me grounded and in a much better place mentally than I was at this time last year.
I thank God for my growth in the program, and pray for my continued growth.
I thank God for the opportunity to blog about it all here whenever I need.