Monday, October 09, 2006

A Hectic Sunday afternoon

Sunday started out unpleasant. My car gave me crap and wouldn't start. I hadn't been to church in a while and was dying to go! By the time it started finally, church was over! And mind you, I haven' tbeen to church in about a month now! So I was not in the best of moods. And, I hadn't read my readings for the day yet!!! My oldest and her BF were arguing and we were all going to my sister's house and I didn't want him to go if he was going to be constantly arguing with my daughter. So I said something and not in the nicest of ways. But definitely not in the worst way either. Of course, he tried to make it look like I was picking on him and then he did disrespect me - not surprising, really. Then I got upset and kept saying stuff to him. It did only make things worse. I was finally pulled away by my youngest who said to just leave them there. So finally, I did.

I was about to head back over there again to voice more of my opinion to him when a friend in recovery called. Upon seeing who was calling me, I was stopped in my tracks, I almost didn't answer the call. Then I did. The call kept me from getting back into it. I felt like I had been caught, or rather, stopped from continuing on back into what was not mine to handle. It was hers and I wanted to protect her. It was a relief really, but I did feel caught. I know they could probably hear the struggle I was having with myself, I also almost excused myself from the call and was going to say I would call back later. I was fighting back tears. I was trying to hide all the emotions I was feeling from my friend, I don't know if they could tell, I could hear it all in my voice and I was so mad I was shaking.

As I continued with the call, he asked if I was taking sides and I did have to say I did. That is my child, I felt compelled to take her side. But I was honest in my answer. He talked to me almost until I made it to my sisters house, out of the situation, finally calmed down, and still trying to not think about the situation I'd just left my daughter in. A more pissed off BF than when I pulled up. But he doesn't put his hands on her, but it is all verbal abuse. He's never happy but it still wasn't mine to handle. She's grown, she can handle it, she's getting tired of it I can tell. Maybe that is why it is getting worse. But I still need to give it to God, He will protect her and can handle it better than me.

I had to fight it today too. Each time I thought about it, I got angry all over again. I had to keep giving it back to God again throughout the day. God is good. I am glad to have a program and can't believe how it worked out to get me out of what wasn't mine to begin with. This journey is amazing. Especially one day at a time.

Tonight I had a long talk with my sponsor. We were deciding on how to handle my fourth step workbook. And it is set for us to start going over it. This is my first fourth step. I guess I have one more section to go over and it will be complete. This is going to be interesting.

Happy for the Chiefs winning again! I hope this keeps up!

3 comments:

Trudging said...

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Wow what we children put our mother's through as we try to figure out this grand thing of life. I am thankful you have your sponsor to help guide you along this.

Anonymous said...

Detaching in parenting is a toughy!!!
Glad you answered the call from your friend.We live and learn , right?
Thanks for sharing~