Of course, when I go out of town, more hell breaks loose at home! My daughter and her ex-bf had another fight. He came to do this and he's using the baby to as an excuse to come by here. Things did not go well and the girls called me in Chicago. Of course I must have looked pale as a ghost! My friend said, "Now you are just going to be sick aren't you!" I had just kind of frozen in time thinking, how could this happen, but I knew it, if it was going to happen, it would be while I was away from the house. That is probably good though, I really would've tried to hurt him had I been there. I would have lost it - for sure. Well, I figured she was watching me react and I was oblivious to her reaction to me. I was actually praying! After trying to figure out what happened for a few seconds. I was thinking, if I am going to have a good time this weekend, I can't let this overwhelm me within my mind. Steps 1 thru 3 came to mind in my prayer.
(1)I am not in control of that situation... It is not mine to handle anyway... There is absolutely nothing I can or should do...it is hers to handle and I must accept it no matter how she handles it! All this went thru my mind as I was praying. Lord please help me let this go...I know it isn't mine. I know what the program says...it says I am not in control of anothers life! Everything is already over! It is done.
(2)If I want to have peace today, right now, I can believe that God can help me regain a peaceful mind. And he can keep it that way.
(3)I started calling on God to please restore my peace. Help me leave it where it is, back in Kansas City. It is done, all over anyway. Help me not to keep worrying or allow doubt to enter my mind! Give it up! Cast my cares on Him, He can handle it. Everything was actually okay.
So I said to her, "Before Al-Anon, I would have immediately left Chicago!!! But today is different." That was my first thought(to leave) when they told me what had happened. But what could I do 8 - 9 hours away? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I just needed to lean on God.
So almost as quickly as it took hold of my mind, I started working to let it go. I knew if I hung on to it, I would not be in a very good mood and I was already hungry. This was at the long awaited Giordano's we'd looked forward too all day long. Chicago stuffed pizza and there was nothing stopping me from getting it. We'd had a hard time finding it and my friend was about to give up. So I started asking people again where this elusive pizza parlor was! And they directed us. So while we waited for it, my mind returned to normal and I redirected my attention to my friend and the little girl whom we were babysitting and keeping her entertained! I enjoyed my dinner and the day continued on! Oh it did try to re-enter my mind, it always does. But I know if I am just as persistant on giving it back to God, it will disappear!
I am so thankful for the recovery programs of Al-Anon and CodA. Along with my faith, actually exercised effectively to produce so much change and serenity in my new life. It kicks in when I need it!
In the past, I would not have been able to make this trip, at least not without my ex. And if I were to guess, I wouldn't have done it if he didn't want me to, and surely he would not have wanted me to take this trip. And the dancing would have been out of the question as well. I almost hesitated to start dancing. I didn't recognize any of the music! I didn't know any of the latin dances! No idea, I just watched a few and then someone asked me to dance. I accepted. They looked simple enough to do. It didn't seem to bother him, I can follow if he leads and I did. I had to relax and let him lead and then it was as if I knew how. Some were harder to do and I didn't attempt those, well, yes I did one. I didn't fare well, but it was funny!
Of course, folks were all drinking here and it was so hot! By the time we left, we had to fight off the guys, who were pretty drunk and becoming very possessive. And not happy with our responses to stop trying to paw us or make things happen that were not going to happen. And the fact that the drink I wanted was WATER! LOL! It was REAL HOT! So we made a quick exit and got home to have some soup before bed and share a few stories about our night.
I've not had the chance to do these things before. I was involved with my ex since high school. So it is all new to me. I thank God for my new life, I feel so free and so much more content without all the craziness I had come to accept as normal in my life. Yeah, it is still drama filled to a certain extent, but it is just different. Better. A journey I am enjoying. And God is working it all out right before my eyes.
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