I really am discovering lots about me in my fourth step. There's a lot to deal with and I figured I'd better deal with the important stuff first. Thank goodness this at our own pace and we can take as long as we want. I think the abuse issues may take a while, since I don't know the first how to deal with it and I thought that stuff was over with and dealt with! But NO! It popped up a couple of weeks ago or something like that, I shared it here on the blog. I currently don't have a sponsor either and that probably isn't good. I really need to get one who I can talk to regularly.
Last night I felt kind of down in the dumps. I don't really know why, I was doing my fourth step workbook when it hit me. It did last until I went to bed but it wasn't very strong and as far as I remember, there wasn't anything real disturbing in my work I was doing. Just maybe some thing trying to bring me down is all. Sleep shook it off! Today I had a good day. Very productive, but I am being late again! Last week a friend in recovery asked how I was doing with that and I was doing good actually! Then the next day, LATE!!! And since then, LATE!!!! I just don't get it! I noticed that when I say something good about me or what I am doing, suddenly things change! And not for the good! I started Taebo as exercise a month or so ago. I was faithful for two weeks prior to going to Chicago. Came back and started right back faithfully again. Then I mention to someone I am doing Taebo and what happens? I stop doing it faithfully! I am currently struggling to get back in to my routine of doing it every other day! It is so hard....And I don't know why. I am struggling to get up in the morning again and I am going to bed earlier!!!!! It doesn't make sense, does anyone know what is happening? I am getting more done at work though, even though I am getting there late! Today it was lunch too! Late back from lunch. And that is not normal either! I guess I will ask God to change those bad habits, I don't think I've ever asked Him to change me in those areas. Exercise yes, but being late, no. I haven't included Him. I guess its high time to do so!
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