This weekend was very hard Saturday evening. I had to see my daughters BF just get entirely belligerent with her trying to take the baby. There was a struggle in my house with the baby (though he was fine) due to the BF wanting to take him away with him, and to where? Who knows, he has no home, no car, and supposedly had no money. So there was no way he was going to leave with the baby. I had to stand by my door because he wasn't about to just run off with him. He refused to leave without the baby, so I called the cops. Then he had to leave they informed him. He has no paperwork to just take the baby away from his mother. So he left but only off the property. He stayed pacing up and down the block waiting for my daughter to leave with her friends. Of course they never did, it took police so long to get there and tell him to leave that they just called it a night and went home.
I don't handle this situation well. I get very upset because he keeps my daughter scared and I am not afraid of him. And if I show this to him, he backs off slightly and isn't so quick to talk big anymore. He did kind of buck up to their dad when he arrived at around 12:30 at night! I couldn't believe he did it since he doesn't appear to do this to me at all - unless he has the baby in his hands. And seeing this makes me more confident that I get very stand off-ish with him. And I know this isn't right, but he does back off enough to where I will back off thinking he's coming to his senses, but as soon as I leave him and her alone again, the ignorance is back on. He stayed around the neighborhood till at least 2 am. By that time, we didn't see him anymore but figured he was still around. No one in his family or friends would come get him. I kept the baby, my daughter went home with my sister, and everyone else left.
I also had like a flashback or something. I couldn't rest all night. I slept with the baby but didn't really sleep or even relax. Every noise I heard kept me awake. I felt like some one was going to break in and I didn't think it was true of the BF to do something like that for any reason. So why did I feel like that? I guess I was thinking of the times I actually was worried my ex was going to break in and take something, those were the times I couldn't sleep. And the times I wouldn't leave the house cause I knew he was waiting around the corner for me to leave so he could come in and get something. And I was not about to let that happen yet again. But it was scary and paralyzing during those times. I hated it but felt it was necessary. At first I thought it was my daughter, I thought she went home but she hadn't, she went home with my sister. So she was safe. The baby was safe. I was too but didn't sleep or relax. Anyway, that episode is over now. He hasn't returned except for his things from her place, and left without any trouble. I don't get it. No trouble today, only the night she wanted to go out.
Her father didn't handle it as well as he normally does this time either. We thought he was going to fight him when he got here! But he did make him go further down the block and kept him away from the house. The cops were called three more times and they still wouldn't take him away. Even though they could see what he was doing was stalking. They told us since he hadn't harmed anyone, they wouldn't take him away or make him leave. It was ridiculous. She must be hurt before anything can be done. That makes no sense to me. And if she doesn't file, and I think she will not yet, he will just do it again. Her father and I discussed it a bit after everything calmed down and he was trying to force her to do something. Of course she couldn't. I don't think she would anyway, not yet. He came to the conclusion he was powerless. I did try to tell him to let her decide, he wasn't having it, not listening to me at all. I just hope the BF doesn't hurt her before she finally decides to stop accepting this crazy behavior from him.
I'm happy to have a God I can call on for the protection I can't provide my daughter. I can ask him to keep her safe.
I'm glad I have a program, even though I didn't think once about the principles in the heat of the moment this weekend. All weekend.
Maybe I need to say to God I am powerless, please help me to let this go and let her handle it. Still confused about how far I should be in it in my own home. Guess it is a good time to call my sponsor. I also found that hard. I guess cause I feel I failed to work it while all this was going on. But that will be on my agenda in the morning. I will call her to discuss this weekends drama. Then maybe an update on me after that!
2 comments:
These are the kinds of stories that make me grateful that my struggles are mostly via email these days, and my father, whom I've been writing about, was violent (I have heard and maybe have one memory of him pulling a chair out from my mother) but has never demonstrated said behavior in my adult presence. It's as if I'm finally grateful to my mother for divorcing my father. She saved me from a much worse childhood. Thank you, God. P.S. In Al-Anon we learn to not give advice except in matters of physical abuse... we tell people to either leave the situation or protect themselves - of course grandparents will protect a grandchild from danger - righteous anger is okay - it is what we do with our anger, whether we let it become a resentment or we realize it is fear and do what is necessary to take care of ourselves and loved ones, asking our HP for guidance and protection... IMO
UGH..this is tough stuff my friend.
I hope you got some useful advice from your sponsor.I hope this will work out peacefully.
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