Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A really tough day!

Man, I seriously need a meeting. I have no car, it is in the shop right now, and I need a meeting. I may need to just jump on the bus and pray someone will take me home. I have been so angry today. My friend at work misunderstood something I said or tried to communicate to me and she seemed to be all upset at me and for what? I have no idea! Then when I asked her about it, she just didn't seem to be able to tell me what. So I left it alone. I think she must be stressed over something. All morning back and forth with her. I wasn't even arguing, but she seemed to think I was. I was seriously misunderstood. I felt like she was trying to make sure she had the last word, or win a fight we weren't really having? I don't know. Anyway, I did finally talk to her face to face and she didn't seem so stand-offish anymore, she thinks she's misunderstood too for some reason. She thinks we are being driven apart too. Why? I don't know, that's the first mention of it to me. We do spend less time together but I don't feel the same, we talk the same. We act the same. Just less time together. That's it.

Then I come home to my daughter and the grandbaby. That's great! I am very happy to see them. It's been a while. But my oldest is having trouble with her man. He wants her to spend time with him and he just makes her cry all the time. Of course, he has no car, no money. Oh now he does since she seems to be tiring of his whining ass. But he still has total control of her. And she's stressing, not taking care of herself and trying to do as he says all the time. When she should be resting. Then she's also running her friends around too and she's stressed about that! They give her money, which she has none of, and so there she goes running all day, instead of resting. Then she disrespects me due to herself stressing. So I got on her too. It wasn't totally good. But I was truthful and it wasn't nice. I try to be but it just doesn't seem to be heard if its nice. It seems anyway. So I had my say and I just want to be alone now. I want to call someone so bad, but what do I say? I feel like I am just whining myself. I know I should stay out of it, but she's going run herself down if she isn't told anything. I do feel I have a duty to help her, but only by suggesting what she should be doing. Not telling her. She ended up staying home and sleeping. I took my other daughter and the grandbaby home. Now I am here. Venting yet again.

I do feel like I need to whine, cry, vent, yell, I wish I could scream. It is not pleasant tonight. I talk to God, but I am not completely comforted. I wish I could reach some one by phone. I finally can relax and let the tears run now. They feel so good. I was weepy yesterday too. I was working on some grief stuff for my Grief Share class and the tears just kept coming. I guess I just need to release it and let God have it. And maybe cry. I wish things were different, I feel so powerless just watching what is going on. I have no problem with not touching anything that isn't mine to touch, but I wish I wasn't at home to see it either. It hurts to hear it. It hurts to hold back and just let things happen. I hope they get it faster than I did. I feel they are, but I wish it was faster. And let me not even begin with my example for them. I took way too long to get out. Okay I think I am heading in the wrong direction with that last comment, so let me stop and gather myself again and I'll just say good night.

I am still grateful I have a program as hard as it may be to apply it at times, I am willing to keep trying. And I am still thanking God for my new chance at a new, more fulfilling life.

Good Night...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hope you're feeling better about this soon.Nothing worse than negative vibes from co-workers.
Thanks for sharing~